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However the pressures of daily life and the complexity of libidos makes the reality of spontaneous sex more challenging.

Maybe sex just feels like a chore you pencil in between appointments and you want to spice things up. Are you always the one proposing sex, and always the one getting turned down?

Outside of problems in your relationship, a simple communication block may be getting in the way.

On the other hand, if you find yourself always rejecting your partner, let them know why. As Brianna explains: Spontxneous also helps ensure sex is a pleasurable experience for both parties.

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If you struggle to talk to your partner during sex, it can help to have a more in-depth conversation about preferences outside of the bedroom. Flirting can be a powerful too. This can look different in different relationships.

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Try something like, "I was looking out the window when you were mowing the lawn. You looked so hot in those shorts!

4 Ways to Have Hotter, More Spontaneous Sex That Your Partner Will Actually Want

Instead of initiating sex as the two of you are brushing your teeth or settling into bed with a book, make your move during unusual-for-you times, says Dr. The idea is that by taking him and yourself! Turning the expected on its head sparks excitement—for both of you.

Conversely, the same thing might happen when you make the effort to schedule sex; the anticipation—and the habit—all build sexual excitement as you count down towards "go" time.

As you're sitting on the couch together, or over dinner, recall your best, sexiest memories. And reminiscing together about past experiences will not only pave the way for a romp in the hay, but will also reinforce the bond between you as a couple.

Being absolutely direct is natural for some women, and a little harder for others. If you can master it, nothing works better, says Dr.

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What man doesn't want to hear, "I'm taking a shower. Care to join me? And in this case, practice makes perfect!

The more you directly ask for sex, the more second nature it will become. Type keyword s to search.

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Vor to say, we're getting conditioned to this pattern. A movie scene about a couple who's having mindful sex will look boring on screen.

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This is exactly ssomeone in sex therapy we struggle with the myth of spontaneous sex. One of the main reasons why spontaneity is overrated is because of the 'pop culture dictatorship'.

The other one is the lack of pressure to perform while having impulsive sex. Often spontaneous sex means no expectations, hence no performance anxiety.

For some reason, it's also drilled into our heads that spontaneous means really passionate. When I hear someoone clients complain about 'sex not being spontaneous anymore', often it's about the need of feeling wanted.

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They want their partner's boldness and courage to express emotions. This urge for passion is actually the urge for love, surrender, attention, born out of the need to be 'in control'.

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And, for some passion occurs only when they do something 'bad', something which nobody else wants them to do.

If someone else wants them to do it too, they can't say if it's their need or someone t.

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This is a problem with autonomy and boundaries - solvable within the four walls of therapy and coaching. They have a fantasy about what they'll do together. They also know when it's going to happen.

16 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life - How to Have Better Sex

The partners have time to imagine it, then serve each other what they like best and check if they want something new. It's always a consequence of fantasy, even if it's impulsive.

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Committed sex is premeditated and mindful. You need time create time and erotic space - first in your mind, then in your bedroom.

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It's not like you meet in the bedroom and undress while you talk about chores. To make things romantic and hot, it has to have a sexy context. This is why the invitation to the bedroom is such an important part of foreplay.